Caffeine Detoxication (Day 1)

The time has come, folks. It's time to wean myself off of coffee (at least for a week or 2). I can't remember when I started drinking coffee. Junior year of high school? But it's definitely escalated in college. I absolutely love coffee. I truly believe that it is one of my favorite beverages. I drink it every day (pretty consistently for the last several years). I suppose my body deserves a break.

I know, I know. It should be easy, right? Coffee is bad for me. I should just stop drinking it. Well, friends... let's just say...

Well...

Here's Day 1:

[Disclaimer: it is not pretty, so reader beware.]

DAY 1 (April 2nd, 2009):

8:30 AM: Upon awakening, I decided that today was the day. No coffee for me. I then proceeded to lay in bed for the next hour, feeling bad for myself and dreading the consequences.

10:15 AM: I am driving to school, and I feel fine, for now. Blasting T.I. on the radio seems to help keep my mind off it.

12:30 PM: My first class is finished, and I walk out of it surprised that I still feel OK!

1:00 PM: Uh-oh. I feel a slight headache coming on. But overall, I am just tired. I decide to push myself to the max. I walk into Starbucks.... and sit down on one of the comfy leather chairs. I study there for an hour without daring to look over at the counter.

1:45 PM: I haven't eaten breakfast... or lunch. But I have no appetite for anything except coffee. I cannot think of a single food that I want to ingest. Moreover, just the thought of eating makes me nauseous. I decide to go straight to class instead.

3:00 PM: I am in class, and the professor is talking about the Chaco Canyons of New Mexico. I cannot process the information being given. I cannot focus. I start to wonder if this whole coffee strike is worth it.

5:30 PM: I am on the way home. I still have not eaten. About 2 hours ago, my slight headache exploded into a full-on migraine (light-sensitive, sound-sensitive, strong nausea). I decide to forgo my planned mall trip and head straight home.

5:50 PM: I am still in Brookline, because the traffic absolutely sucks. I am irritable and upset and ready to vomit on whoever next gets on my nerves. I think to myself that maybe I'm just dehydrated. I take a sip of Poland Spring water, but my body revolts. I gag repeatedly, but luckily, there was nothing for me to actually throw up.

5:55 PM: I cannot drive. My head feels like it's going to explode. I glance in the mirror, and I think I can actually see it pounding. Gross. I pull over to CVS and rush inside.

6:05 PM: I am still standing in line, desperately clutching a vial of Excedrin Extra Strength. Each tablet contains 250 mg of Acetaminophen, 250 mg of Aspirin, and 65 mg of Caffeine. (Yes, I know, Caffeine... but hey, I gotta start somewhere. At least I'm not chugging coffee, right?).

6:10 PM: I really just want to pay for my drugs. But the man in front of me is trying to buy cigarettes. (Do you have any Newport lights? Yes sir. Are they on sale? ...No. Do you have any sales on cigarettes? No sir. What do you have for lighters?) And the woman behind me has 2 small daughters who are loudly whining and shrieking for their mother to buy them everything in the store (gummy bears, a lollipop, a disposable camera, etc). In my head, I envision them as the screaming mandrakes from Harry Potter.

6:12 PM: I am safely back in my car, and I throw 2 tablets back with a sip of water. After reading the dosage instructions, I realize that I am supposed to drink "a full glass of water with each dose". I struggle to hold down a few more sips. I wonder (for the 100th time of the day) if this is all really worth it.

6:25 PM: I am doing 60 on Rt. 9 West, and I don't care.

6:35 PM: I call my mother to ask her to make me noodle soup. Before I can say anything, she proudly exclaims that she has tried a new recipe for Cacciatore. I am gagging at the thought of real food.

6:50 PM: I finally arrive home. It wasn't cacciatore, it was guacamole. And quesadillas. (Darned foreign food names, says my mom.) She heats up some soup for me instead.

7:00 PM: I officially have not eaten for 24 hours. I've had only water, so the warm soup in front of me is making me drool. A few small sips quickly turn into big gulps. Not a good idea.

7:01 PM: I am in the bathroom, throwing up all the liquid I've ingested in the past few hours. I silently say a bad word.

7:30 PM: I think the medicine (and low dose of caffeine) finally kicked in. I am more jovial (just ask my mom) and I can eat noodles (in broth)! I even eat a small dessert (6 large, red grapes). I pump my fist in victory. Well, not really. But I felt like it.

11:00 PM: I settle into bed, hoping that I can sleep early and for a good amount of time. I am dreading Day 2.