ooo ooo oooh.

How hilarious would it be if you could go through life with 3 backup singers? Not only would it be funny, I think it would also boost self-esteem, increase success, and augment credibility.

1) + self-esteem

There you are, strolling along... awkwardly, with your hands in your pocket. You speak with great reluctance and hesitation, so everything you say sounds like a question. How amazing would it be if you had not one, not two, but three people assuring you on everything you say? Confirming and praising your every word.

2) + success

How else do you think Gladys Knight came up with classic (and classy) songs like "Who Is She (And What Is She to You)" and "This Child Needs Its Father"? She never would've made it without her Pips.

3) + credibility

Maybe no one ever believes what you say. Maybe they discredit you and doubt you. But how can they doubt you when you've got 3 grown men supporting you?
---

With that being said, read this article and begin your search.

What? You need more inspiration, you say?

Then turn up the volume and check out this clip:

"sorry, honey...

but Santa isn't real."

I was in early elementary school when I found out this devastating truth. How old were you? How did you feel? Sad? Disappointed? Shocked? It's quite plausible that you felt all three of these emotions. But how come no one ever reports feeling angry? Shouldn't you be outraged at the hoax that you were subjected to? Aren't you angry that your parents (and the world) lied to you through their teeth for the first decade of your life?

I bet that's why people have so many trust issues and broken relationships. Because Santa's not real. And you betcha I'm angry about it.

polygamy.

is it legal for me to marry the entire Celtics team?

Cache.

Q: Where have you been?!

A: It may appear to you that I have been neglecting my blogging duties recently. Alas, that is not the case! In fact, I've been blogging more often than usual.

Q: Then where are the posts? Secret blog? Diary?

A: Nope. Actually, I've been blogging for your entertainment purposes. This summer, I will be too busy to be churning out content... so I decided to write the posts now. Yes, I've been writing up posts and saving them as drafts to be released gradually throughout the summer. Have no fear, I have no plans on going on a 2 month hiatus!

Q: Wow, that's actually a good idea.

A: Yeah. It's kinda like having a fully stocked silo. It may be hard to produce enough grain to fill it, but you'll sure be glad to have it when the famine hits.

Q: Why is this post entitled Cache?

A: A cache is a reserve, a repository, a stockpile. A supply stored or hidden for future use. A cache of posts.

Q: Where do you buy your sneakers?

A: Footlocker, Finish Line, The Nike Factory Store, etc. =)

another sports post.

I watched the game last night. Well, from halftime and on. Let's just say, I wasn't feeling too good about it at the beginning of the 3rd quarter, and I bet none of you were, either. O ye of little faith!

Anyway, the Celts really pulled the rug out from under the Lakers.

There are a couple of things I noticed/wanted to share with you.

1) I cannot believe Ray Allen played the entire game.

2) Jack Nicholson is super sketchy-looking.

3) Phil Jackson is MASSIVE.

4) I thought P.J. Brown retired. Isn't he like... 40 now?

5) Justin Timberlake was there.**

6) After last night, all the Kobe Bryant-Michael Jordon comparisons will probably cease.

7) Doc Rivers doesn't seem like he's very eloquent. And Phil Jackson is WAY too calm for my liking. Creepy much?

8) I've decided that Sasha Vujacic is probably the most annoying player to watch... ever. He spends most of his time spazzing out and being annoying on defense. And then after Ray Allen blew right by him and scored, he flipped out. I think they replayed that part once or twice-- He was nearly crying on the bench (really) and when someone put a hand on his shoulder, he screamed and proceeded to pummel the chair next to him. Classy, Sasha... classy.
---

**Side note:

[cameras pan to Justin Timberlake]

Kid brother: Hey, look.

Me: Oh, he's here, too?

Kid brother: Wait, he's a Lakers' fan? WHAT? He's a LAKERS' FAN?!

Me: Yeah, I think so.

Kid brother: Oh well, his career was already over anyway when he did that song with Madonna.

Walleteer Wednesday (Week 6).

This week's number is an interesting one. The amount of "5 easy payments of $19.95" has been requested. Ask, and you shall receive.

For $99.75, you could:

• Buy over 13 lbs of Sunkist Fruit Gems. Does anyone else remember these?:
  
  
  

• Fly from Boston to La Guardia this Saturday with $10 pocket money:

• Get 5 of these Candle Lanterns and save them for when you and your friends go camping:

• Buy 66 Filet O' Fish sandwiches from McD's. YUM!:

• Purchase a "fruit knife" from The Japan Chef. First of all.... what is a fruit knife? Secondly, why does it look SO sketchy? It clearly looks used... for violent, non-food-related purposes:

Stay tuned for next week, folks.

fear not.

walleteer wednesday IS coming. Soon. Tonight.

a long awaited reunion.

I'll admit it. I didn't watch last night's game. In fact, I didn't even know who had won until this morning, when I glanced at the newspaper that the man in front of me on the train was reading. Celtics 108, Lakers 102. Nice.

I started thinking... this warrants a post. However, as Melody has already written quite an impressive exposé on sports, I will not attempt to do so myself. I will only share with you my thoughts from this morning.

You see, I don't know very much about the Celtics. Why should I? Growing up, they were a joke team. Actually, most of Boston's teams were kind of... sad. Our crown jewel was our football team. The baseball team was so-so, the hockey team was... well.... yes. And the Celtics? I remember when I was in elementary school, I asked my teacher if they were any good, and he laughed. With bitterness. "Hah! Good? Riiiight..."

I think I only knew 2 of the players' names back then in the late 90's, early 2000's. Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker. It was the two of them that brought the team to the 2002 Eastern Conference finals (one of only 4 times we've been to the finals in the past 12 years... excluding this year, of course). Antoine Walker. Number 8. I can still picture him now.

In 2003, Antoine was traded to Dallas. I was (almost) devastated. I felt betrayed, used. How could he leave us? After that, he was traded another bazillion times, even coming back to the Celtics for the 2005 season, I believe. And now, I hear he's with the Timberwolves. (side note: I used to think that Timberwolves sounded so cool, but that was probably due largely to the fact that I was in love with Justin Timberlake at the time.)

Anyway... my point is... this morning, as I was relishing our team's victory with as much enthusiasm as a band-wagoner could muster up, I thought of Antoine. Poor Antoine. I wonder what he's thinking now. I wonder if he wished he would've stuck with us just a few years longer.

Then, as soon as I got to work this morning, as if in a vision from the hypothetical sports gods, I saw him. We've been reunited at last, Antoine and I. I hadn't seen him for... 6 years (the last time I kind of cared about the Celtics and watched a game). He looks just like I remembered him to look, except older, sadder, and sans a Celtics' jersey.



OK fine. I didn't see him in person. But here's a picture from ESPN of him at last night's game. Poor Antoine. If only you'd stayed.

Silica Gel: An Explanation In Poetic Form

Have you ever found in your bag of shrimp chips a small, sketchy packet labeled "Do Not Eat"? Ever wondered what's in the packet? I, too, have sought this knowledge for many years. Now that I've been enlightened, I shall apprise you through this graceful haiku:

Silica
by Jessica Lui

dearest silica,
do you have a true purpose?
oh, you desiccate.

a cogitation on silica.

Do you know what this is? I've been meaning to blog on this substance for some time now, and so I decided to switch my weekly walleteer post with this. But then I realized I'm tired and don't feel like blogging right now. So, for now... I leave you to figure out the substance in the picture.




*EDIT*

You know, I totally forgot that I put "silica" in the title of this post. Darn.

Yes, Melody. Silica gel this is.

Marauding Monday: Fainting Goats

Not so long ago, I was flipping through the bountiful and inexhaustible array of channels on Melody's TV (in our room at BU). I came across a show on Animal Planet and was bewildered when I saw on the screen a grown man... chasing goats. He kept saying something about wanting to see them faint. I was captivated. Fainting goats? Today, I borrow this article for your education and enjoyment:


Fainting Goats
by Jason Bellows
9/30/05
www.damninteresting.com/?=69



"Most of the internet savvy, it seems, are somewhat lacking in knowledge relating to the interesting topic of "bizarre domesticated animals that people breed for fun." To help reduce this unfortunate trend, I introduce the fainting goat.

The small, domesticated goat carries the hereditary genetic disorder called myotonia congenita which causes the legs of this little critter to, when startled or excited, go rigidly stiff for about ten seconds.

As far as I can tell, most people breed these varmints mostly to snap open umbrellas at them, and watch as they scatter like bowling pins. In the past however, fainting goats were bred for circuses and menageries as food; the fainting goat would be placed in an enclosed location with an animal that needed to hunt, such as a lion. The chase didn't last long once the goat was startled by the giant cat bearing down on it. The lion got to hunt, the animal's keepers didn't have to let it out of its cage–everybody wins. Except the goat."

Anticipation and baseball.

While you eagerly await new posts from me, I would like to focus your attention on this amazing video. I am utterly embarrassed and disgusted at the same time. I mean, really. Just watch.

Mariah Carey throws the first pitch at a game at the Tokyo Dome (5/28/08).




The woman clearly has no future in the sports world. Who in her right mind would wear like, 5-inch heels to a baseball game?